We live in exciting but perplexing times. Never before have we had so much. Never before have we been so concerned about loosing it. It’s not that we fear total poverty, as our grandparents did during the great depression. No, we fear not being able to provide enough. We fear not making enough money- enough money to live in a nice neighborhood, enough money to drive a nice car, enough money for childcare, elderly parent-care, and our own retirement, enough money for vacations and satellite TV.
We fear not being able to provide our children with enough opportunities for them to succeed. We fear that we’re not strick enough with our children, or the opposite, that we’re not easy going enough. We fear not having enough time to spend with our children, our spouses; fearing that we’re not getting enough done (whatever that may be); there just never is enough time in the day to accomplish what we need to.
Parents today are living in anguish from the stress of excess. The burden to keep up with the culture, to stay ahead of the curve, to maintain an expected lifestyle of abundance. Parents today live in anguish.
The effect on Men…
*Pressure to succeed, to be competent/marketable skills- an expendable resource.
*Competition abounds/ long hours/ Fear of downsizing.
*Stress related illnesses on sky-rocketing.
*Everyman struggle over one question- Do I have what it takes, Am I manly enough, as a provider, a lover, a father, a mate. At times we anguish over that question
The effect on Women…
*Pressure to be perfect… to be it all… pressure of being a stay at home mom vs. a career women, and the guilt associated with each choice.
* The trend over the past 6 years is for women to leave their families, including leaving the kids with the father.
*Pressure to raise outstanding, happy kids
*Every women struggles with the question, "Am I good enough," as a wife, a mom, a friend. *The struggle with feelings of unworthiness.
*Child’s success= Mother success.
In her prophetic 1981 book: "Children without Childhood”, Marie Winn powerfully develops the argument that civilization has recently shifted its fundamental attitude toward parenting the young. She writes, “The change has occurred so swiftly that most adults are hardly aware that a true conceptual and behavioral revolution is under way, one that has yet to be clearly defined and understood…. Once parents struggled to preserve children’s innocence, to keep childhood a carefree golden age, and to shelter children from life’s vicissitudes. The new era operates on the belief that children must be exposed early to adult experience in order to survive in an increasingly complex and uncontrollable world. The Age of Protection has ended. An Age of Preparation has set in."
The focus now: Exposure to as many opportunities as possible, Preparation- get your kids ready, best education possible, Networking with powerful people/powerful kids.
David Elkind in his book "The Hurried Child", writes that parents are now seeking “optimum child development”. Normal child development is no longer acceptable. He writes, “Because parents have bought into the idea that having it all is a worthwhile and necessary goal for themselves, tragically, they destroy childhood by pushing their young children to have it all as well. Adults squeeze all of life’s facets- marriage, career, working out, church, friendships, relaxing with TV, and parenting- into the day. If we see childhood as a time for special nurturing and explorations, we should be protecting our children from the encroachment of too many activities rather than dragging them along into our pursuit of them.”
Finally, let me wrap it up with this quote from Michael and Diane Medved’s book, “Saving Childhood: protecting our children from the national assault on innocence,” “Pushing children probably does give them an edge academically over their peers- at first. Extracurricular lessons effectively teach them all sorts of skills, from computer to karate. But when parents push, they also teach kids a more harmful message: to define success in terms of a good school, a prestigious job, and earning a lot of money, rather than in terms of spirituality or mastering virtues such as charity, honesty, or reliability. Parents would serve their children better if they emphasized happiness over achievement, and goodness over goodies.”
We fear not being able to provide our children with enough opportunities for them to succeed. We fear that we’re not strick enough with our children, or the opposite, that we’re not easy going enough. We fear not having enough time to spend with our children, our spouses; fearing that we’re not getting enough done (whatever that may be); there just never is enough time in the day to accomplish what we need to.
Parents today are living in anguish from the stress of excess. The burden to keep up with the culture, to stay ahead of the curve, to maintain an expected lifestyle of abundance. Parents today live in anguish.
The effect on Men…
*Pressure to succeed, to be competent/marketable skills- an expendable resource.
*Competition abounds/ long hours/ Fear of downsizing.
*Stress related illnesses on sky-rocketing.
*Everyman struggle over one question- Do I have what it takes, Am I manly enough, as a provider, a lover, a father, a mate. At times we anguish over that question
The effect on Women…
*Pressure to be perfect… to be it all… pressure of being a stay at home mom vs. a career women, and the guilt associated with each choice.
* The trend over the past 6 years is for women to leave their families, including leaving the kids with the father.
*Pressure to raise outstanding, happy kids
*Every women struggles with the question, "Am I good enough," as a wife, a mom, a friend. *The struggle with feelings of unworthiness.
*Child’s success= Mother success.
In her prophetic 1981 book: "Children without Childhood”, Marie Winn powerfully develops the argument that civilization has recently shifted its fundamental attitude toward parenting the young. She writes, “The change has occurred so swiftly that most adults are hardly aware that a true conceptual and behavioral revolution is under way, one that has yet to be clearly defined and understood…. Once parents struggled to preserve children’s innocence, to keep childhood a carefree golden age, and to shelter children from life’s vicissitudes. The new era operates on the belief that children must be exposed early to adult experience in order to survive in an increasingly complex and uncontrollable world. The Age of Protection has ended. An Age of Preparation has set in."
The focus now: Exposure to as many opportunities as possible, Preparation- get your kids ready, best education possible, Networking with powerful people/powerful kids.
David Elkind in his book "The Hurried Child", writes that parents are now seeking “optimum child development”. Normal child development is no longer acceptable. He writes, “Because parents have bought into the idea that having it all is a worthwhile and necessary goal for themselves, tragically, they destroy childhood by pushing their young children to have it all as well. Adults squeeze all of life’s facets- marriage, career, working out, church, friendships, relaxing with TV, and parenting- into the day. If we see childhood as a time for special nurturing and explorations, we should be protecting our children from the encroachment of too many activities rather than dragging them along into our pursuit of them.”
Finally, let me wrap it up with this quote from Michael and Diane Medved’s book, “Saving Childhood: protecting our children from the national assault on innocence,” “Pushing children probably does give them an edge academically over their peers- at first. Extracurricular lessons effectively teach them all sorts of skills, from computer to karate. But when parents push, they also teach kids a more harmful message: to define success in terms of a good school, a prestigious job, and earning a lot of money, rather than in terms of spirituality or mastering virtues such as charity, honesty, or reliability. Parents would serve their children better if they emphasized happiness over achievement, and goodness over goodies.”
"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world,
but be transformed, by the renewing of your mind.”
Romans 12:2
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