Have you ever noticed the games we play during conflict, trying to defend ourselves and prove the other person false? Consider the words of Ravi Zacharias: "We play with words when it indits us; however, we hold the demands of language when we are inditing somebody else. Anytime you're in a contract, the one claiming his/her rights is going for the precise meaning of language, whereas the one wanting escape is redefining words. If it's against us, we minimize our position and the words of what was said. If it's against somebody else, we hold their feet to the fire."
Isn't that the truth! The crazy thing about this is that we do it most often with loved ones! I see this sooo often in marital conflict... one spouse demanding absolute clarity in answers from the partner, while they minimize their spouse's demands of them. Someone once said, "When it comes to your spouse, give them the benefit of the doubt" and yet, the spouse is often the last one given grace to!
Teens are experts at doing this... they demand their parents hold to the exact words spoken... "you said ____, you never said_____;" yet they think is very unfair when their parents apply the same standards to them. I'm sure if you have teens you are saying, "Amen!"
This reminds me of Matthew 7:1-5, where Jesus discusses judging others, "For the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it shall be measured to you." Ouch!
Here's a few things I try to remember: 1.) Relationships are best when we maintain bonds of trust and security. I will never have a good relationship with someone if i continue to make them feel insecure; therefore, I need to speak with grace and truth. 2.) The second greatest command is to love your neighbor as yourself. I need to treat people with respect.... I need to be slow to anger and defensiveness, slow to speak, and quick to listen with humility. In this way, I will better fulfill the commandment. 3.) I need to remember it's "both/and", not "either/or". It's not, either I'm right and you're wrong, or vice verse. It's both I'm right is some ways and wrong in some ways, and the same applies to you; therefore, I can relax in the discussion and look at both sides. I can relax in knowing that I'm "only human" and need grace just as much as the next person, and I know you need grace too.
How we treat and interact with others is mirror unto ourselves... how secure we are within ourselves... how selfish verse selfless we are. As the book of James says, let's pay attention to what we see in the mirror and not walk away, learning nothing.
Just some random thoughts...
Isn't that the truth! The crazy thing about this is that we do it most often with loved ones! I see this sooo often in marital conflict... one spouse demanding absolute clarity in answers from the partner, while they minimize their spouse's demands of them. Someone once said, "When it comes to your spouse, give them the benefit of the doubt" and yet, the spouse is often the last one given grace to!
Teens are experts at doing this... they demand their parents hold to the exact words spoken... "you said ____, you never said_____;" yet they think is very unfair when their parents apply the same standards to them. I'm sure if you have teens you are saying, "Amen!"
This reminds me of Matthew 7:1-5, where Jesus discusses judging others, "For the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it shall be measured to you." Ouch!
Here's a few things I try to remember: 1.) Relationships are best when we maintain bonds of trust and security. I will never have a good relationship with someone if i continue to make them feel insecure; therefore, I need to speak with grace and truth. 2.) The second greatest command is to love your neighbor as yourself. I need to treat people with respect.... I need to be slow to anger and defensiveness, slow to speak, and quick to listen with humility. In this way, I will better fulfill the commandment. 3.) I need to remember it's "both/and", not "either/or". It's not, either I'm right and you're wrong, or vice verse. It's both I'm right is some ways and wrong in some ways, and the same applies to you; therefore, I can relax in the discussion and look at both sides. I can relax in knowing that I'm "only human" and need grace just as much as the next person, and I know you need grace too.
How we treat and interact with others is mirror unto ourselves... how secure we are within ourselves... how selfish verse selfless we are. As the book of James says, let's pay attention to what we see in the mirror and not walk away, learning nothing.
Just some random thoughts...
1 comment:
I love how the rest of that passage in James reads...If you look into the perfect law that gives freedom and continue to do this, not forgetting what you have read, but doing it....then you will be blessed in what you do. We love to make our own rules to benefit ourselves...to help us make our point or be the one that is right...if we could only open our eyes and our hearts long enough to see that when we are weak or humble....only then can He be Greater in us and through us!
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